Understanding and 
                       Dealing
          with the Narcissist 
                   Personality
                               with
                       Wendy Behary, LSCW
                      Transcript of Video 3:
                How to Deal with a Person with
                     Narcissistic Personality
                 Juliet Austin & Clinton Power
                     ©2019 Mind Body Training Institute
                                            Transcript of Video 3:  How to Deal with a Person with Narcissistic Personality
                                                         TRANSCRIPT OF VIDEO 3:
                    HOW TO DEAL WITH A PERSON WITH NARCISSISTIC 
                                                                        PERSONALITY
                  Clinton Power:  Hello it’s Clinton Power here and I’m back with Wendy Behary in our 
                                            free training on narcissism. Great to see you again Wendy.  
                   
                  Wendy Behary:  Good to be with you again.  
                  Clinton Power:  Now in this third video we’re going to be talking about how to deal with 
                                            a narcissist. And I wonder if we should probably start with really defining 
                                            when is it not safe to try and deal with a narcissist. Can you say a little 
                                            bit about that?
                  Wendy Behary:  Yeah absolutely. I mean anytime there is a threat to safety. Narcissists can 
                                            be abusive emotionally, mentally, verbally and there are times when it 
                                            can be so threatening to one’s mental health and stability that it’s time to 
                                            go, it’s time to at least separate oneself. But certainly if there’s any threats 
                                            of violence towards the partner, the individual, the child or pets, or even 
                                            household objects, it’s time to get to safety. Safety is number one. 
                                            And not all narcissists are physically abusive. The common language 
                                            on narcissism speaks to this myth that all narcissists are abusive. That’s 
                                            not true. They certainly will hurt you with their criticisms, with their 
                                            controlling behaviors and their selfishness but they’re not all aggressive 
                                            and abusive in that way.
                  Clinton Power:  Thanks for saying that Wendy. So for the person who is in a relationship 
                                            with a narcissist or perhaps has a narcissist in their life it could be a boss 
                                            or a relative and there’s no physical danger there. What do you suggest 
                                            for those people who need to cope or just need to find ways to deal 
                                            with a narcissist in their life?
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                                         ©2019 Mind Body Training Institute | Juliet Austin & Clinton Power
                                                              www.mindbodytraininginstitute.com
                                           Transcript of Video 3:  How to Deal with a Person with Narcissistic Personality
                 Wendy Behary:  It’s tough if it’s in the workplace and you don’t have any choice. There’s 
                                           no option to easily leave your job and find another. If it’s a boss you don’t 
                                           necessarily have the leverage unless it’s a grievance that’s legitimate 
                                           that needs to be made to a human resource department or a grievance 
                                           committee. But in most cases it’s so upsetting but it’s too subtle to be 
                                           eligible for a grievance or a legal intervention. 
                                           And it’s just a matter of figuring out how do you set limits to preserve 
                                           yourself? How do you set limits on your encounters whenever possible? 
                                           How do you manage your expectations because a lot of the time the 
                                           stress comes from working with them. We have expectations that 
                                           we can fix them if we just perform better, if we look better, if we talk 
                                           better but you’re not going to change their behavior although you may 
                                           be able to influence some change. You may be able to plant some 
                                           seeds. So whether it’s a neighbor, it’s a boss, it’s a family member you 
                                           can set limits. But manage your expectations. Recognize that there’s 
                                           maybe opportunities for a little seed planting that might at least 
                                           harvest this message. 
                                           I see you. I know you. I know what you’re up to. So knock it off. So a boss 
                                           who has just really embarrassed and humiliated you in the middle of a 
                                           meeting in a very unkind and inappropriate way and at the end of the 
                                           meeting you ask for a conversation and the boss is like What? Now I hurt 
                                           your feelings? Am I going to hear all about this? You’re going to report 
                                           me to the human resource department? And you say You’re such a 
                                           bright person (if they are, right? Don’t lie tell the truth.)  
                                           In many cases these are bright people. You’re such a bright person and 
                                           I so want to learn from you. And I don’t think it was your intention to be 
                                           hurtful. I think you had a different intention when you spoke to me that 
                                           way. But it was and it’s just not OK with me. 
                                           Oh you’re so sensitive. What did I say? 
                                           Because they always take it back. They have a very short memory when 
                                           it comes to their bad behavior. 
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                                       ©2019 Mind Body Training Institute | Juliet Austin & Clinton Power
                                                            www.mindbodytraininginstitute.com
                                            Transcript of Video 3:  How to Deal with a Person with Narcissistic Personality
                                            I didn’t do that. You’re too sensitive. I wasn’t angry. What are you talking 
                                            about? 
                                            Just hold your ground, don’t defend. Well that’s how I heard it. And it 
                                            was upsetting for me and I do respect you and want to respect you and 
                                            want you to respect me. I’d like to continue to have a good working 
                                            relationship with you. Anyway thanks for listening. 
                                            And out you go. 
                                            You’ve just planted the seed that says I’m onto you I see you. So 
                                            although you’re not going to change them completely they may be a 
                                            little more cautious when it comes to how they invoke criticism in the 
                                            next meeting. 
                  Clinton Power:  I love that example Wendy but also I noticed your approach was gentle. 
                                            I’m guessing the confrontational approach, which many people do take 
                                            with a narcissist, just doesn’t work. Is that the case?  
                  Wendy Behary:  It will never work. They love the game, they love the dance, they love the 
                                            battle because there’s opportunity for a winner and a loser and they love 
                                            to be winners and they love to be victorious. 
                                            There’s nothing wrong with anger. Go to the bathroom and scream, go 
                                            to your car and turn on the radio and yell, get it out because anger is a 
                                            sign that something is going on that’s important inside of you. But it’s 
                                            not the anger itself. It’s something else that maybe hurtful or frightening 
                                            or very saddening in some way. So figure out what that is if it’s obvious. 
                                            The humiliation of being called out in a work meeting that was really 
                                            over the top. You might want to just go stomping in there and say Don’t 
                                            you dare ever. But it’s going to take you nowhere if it’s your boss plus 
                                            they know how to do battle. They may feel some shame but it’s usually 
                                            quickly overthrown by their ability to go into their own bully and attack 
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                                         ©2019 Mind Body Training Institute | Juliet Austin & Clinton Power
                                                              www.mindbodytraininginstitute.com