Mean Girls
    Bullying typically refers to direct aggression, or 
     an overt physical act or assault
    Relational Aggression (social aggression) is 
     indirect and is aimed at damaging another’s self-
     esteem, social status, or both.  It can include:
      verbal threats, 
      social exclusion
      ostracism
      malicious gossip
      scapegoating
      secret telling
      threats of friendship withdrawal
      Non-verbal communication
        How to assess relational 
              aggression
     Look at the frequency and intensity of 
     behaviors; ask child, mother, teacher.  Believe 
     the child!
       Exclusion to upset the child
       Pressure to do things s/he doesn’t want to do
       Lies or nasty things said about others
       Games spoiled
       Tricked in a nasty way
       Called nasty names 
         Which of these are Normal?
           Every Saturday night a girl in your class has a party.  She 
            invites all your friends but never invites you.
           One Friday you wear a new dress to school and your best 
            friend tells  you on the way to class that it makes you look fat.
           A girl in your class regularly starts rumors about people at 
            school that are not true.
           A group of girls is passing notes in class and when certain 
            people raise their hands, all of the girls giggle.
                                                                                   Raskauskas & Stoltz (2004)
   Girls are Supposed to be Friends!
       Childhood typically spent practicing caretaking and 
       nurturing, e.g., with dolls
       Best friends discover joys of intimacy and connection
       Belonging to a peer group bolsters confidence and 
       reinforces identity; protects the child from isolation and 
       victimization
    When there is conflict amongst 
               friends….
     Girls are deeply intertwined and threatened 
      when faced with conflict or disagreement
     Girls are socialized away from aggression; 
      unprepared to negotiate conflict.
     Minor disagreement can call an entire 
      relationship into question
     Anger can’t be voiced; they are not taught skills 
      to handle conflict.  In fact, they are more often 
      taught to manage their anger and 
      disappointment covertly
     Passivity is reinforced by same-sex peer group
     Adults minimize it as just “being girls”